I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
