hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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