I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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