The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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