I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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