I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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