Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
