ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
