I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sober January is a disaster.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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