no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
