Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
