I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
