How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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