i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
