you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize