dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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