I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
