So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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