I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
