Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
