i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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