Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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