Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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