my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
