I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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