Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
