party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
