Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
