It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
