I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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