I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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