Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
