I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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