You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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