Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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