I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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