nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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