she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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