I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
