Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
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