two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
