New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
