and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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