just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
