I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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