I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
