paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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