Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
