Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
