Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
