There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
