The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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