I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
