maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't deserve a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize