Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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