I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
