what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
