Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
