im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
