We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
