he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
