i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
