i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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