walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He has the fingertips of a God
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
