Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
