do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
