ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
