It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
