Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your penis caused this!
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