: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
