My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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