she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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