Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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