Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hippo gnu deer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
